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Defining a Gentlewoman

A lot of you started to ask me what’s the difference between a stud, boi and a gentlewoman. A gentlewoman is a woman that has discriminating taste in women, fashion, culture and politics. There are dapper studs and bois, but that don’t make them gentlewomen. It’s about how you treat others. It’s opening up a door for your lady. It’s giving up your seat on the subway for the elderly or a pregnant woman.

Ladies, you want to know if you have a boi or a gentlewoman. Here are a few rules a gentlewoman will follow:

  1. A gentlewoman doesn’t want a relationship with gender roles. We both work. We both clean. We both spoil each other.
  2. She wants you to make decisions. Don’t be wishy-washy. If you want to hang out with her, you can call her, too. She doesn’t alway want to make the first move.
  3. She’s a womanist. She doesn’t hate men. She believe in equality in work pay. She believes the woman not the government should control her body (and what she does with it).
  4. A ‘boi’ make her girl jealous of other women. A gentlewoman makes other women jealous of her woman.
  5. Any woman can sex you, feed you and buy you stuff. But it takes a gentlewoman to help you become a better person to build with you and work with you in building a better life together.
  6. Sending a woman a text that says “Good morning, beautiful” can change her attitude for the rest of the day.
  7. She doesn’t have time to play with you. A gentlewoman never leads her on if you knows nothing’s going to happen. She’s honest and straightforward.
  8. Don’t tell her lies just to spare her feelings. She’d rather know the truth now rather than finding out later.
  9. She expects you to actively listen to her as she will do the same for you.
  10. When on the date with you, she’ll have her phone on silent. No social media. No text messages. No phone calls unless it’s an emergency. (I struggle with this one! I have to be present with my lady especially during our quality time.)
  11. She’ll call you out the blue just to hear your voice. She’ll respond to your text in a timely manner.
  12. She’s spontaneous. Just be ready for adventure.
  13. A gentlewoman doesn’t make a promise if they’re going to break it.
  14. She believes in chivalry. Chivalry is a beautiful, genuine thing. It will never die.
  15. A real gentlewoman’s treatment of her girl never fades. She doesn’t treat her right for a few months and then stops. A true gentlewoman keeps her smiling.
  16. A gentlewoman knows to keep things good and bad between each other. She does not want everybody in your business.

Everyone is not a gentlewoman. Gentlewomen are not perfect, but we are trying to be the best version of ourselves. Do you agree with my definition of a gentlewoman? If not, how would you define a gentlewoman?

10 Rules for a Gentlewoman in Being in a Healthy Relationship

I.

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” –Sonya Friedman

Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. True love comes from within. You will never be satisfied with someone else’s love. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to love you. The way you treat myself shows others how you expect to be treated. Therefore, self-love is first and foremost.

II.

“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” –Sonya Parker

A gentlewoman never stops trying to show her woman how much she means to her even after she already has her. Affection is not just kissing and touching. Affection is having great stimulating conversations about love, life, anything and everything. Affection is not bound by any obligations or barred by any human limitations. It is to speak without regret or fear or consequence. Affection is about giving the time to show the other person how much they matter to you.

III.

“I don’t want the perfect relationship because perfect is impossible. I want trustworthy, honest, loyal and love. I love imperfections. I don’t want perfect. I want worth it.”-Unknown

In a relationship, honesty and trust must exist. If they don’t, there’s no point of loving. So if you can’t afford to be honest, stay single. We often are not honest because we do not want someone to see our imperfections. Guess what? No one’s perfect. But you can be honest. A gentlewoman is honest and trustworthy in her thoughts, words and action. We tell the truth and keep our promises.

IV.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” –Leo Buscaglia

A gentlewoman writes handwritten letters to her lady and sends them in the mail. She buys flowers for her lady just because she’s thinking of her. She cooks for her lady after her lady has had a long day at work. A gentlewoman knows never to stop the little things for her lady, for those little things make her feel wanted. Basically, a gentlewoman knows she has to consistently do the things that got her lady to keep her.

V.

“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams or your dignity.” –Mandy Hale

A gentlewoman knows that she has to have passions and friendships outside of her girlfriend. Anyone has to be in control of their own happiness. You have to nurture your circle of friends outside of your relationship. You cannot drop your friends just because you’re in a relationship. Being happy with yourself builds confidence. You can enjoy your time with your partner, enjoy your time with your friends and enjoy your time alone. It’s about living interdependently. Another key to being in a healthy relationship is get a life that is yours.

VI.

“No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.” –Unknown

A gentlewoman understands that all relationships have its ups and downs. The difference between a successful relationship and a break-up is that the couple decides that each other is worth the fight. The concept of constant bliss is something made up in Hollywood. It’s not real. What’s real is dealing with bad days, being mentally and physically tired, financial stress and draining emotions. It’s called being human.

VII.

“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” –Richard Bach

A gentlewoman understands that she needs a woman who she can be her authentically herself with. It’s learning how to be vulnerable to allow someone to see the real ‘you’.

VIII.

“When you truly love someone, you don’t judge them by their past. You accept it and leave it there.” -Unknown

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. You might think you love someone until they go outside your box. A gentlewoman understands that love means accepting your lady’s faults and insecurities and loving them anyway and making it through life’s challenges together.

*Disclaimer: This does not mean you stay in an abusive relationship (mental or physical). This means you accept them for their flaws as they are not perfect. So don’t place anyone on a pedestal that they can come crashing down.

IX.

no cell phones at dinner

A gentlewoman leaves her cell phone in the car when she takes her lady to dinner. She does not want anything to divert her attention from her lady. She understands that each time she is with her lady is a time to connect and be present.

X.

“Why should a relationship mean settling down? Wait out for someone who won’t let life escape you, who’ll challenge you and drive you toward your dreams. Someone spontaneous you can get lost in the world with. A relationship, with the right person, is a release not a restriction.” –Beau Taplin

A gentlewoman does not want to settle into a mundane home life with her lady. She wants to travel with her lady around the world. She wants her lady to fulfill her dreams with and without her. She wants to fulfill her own dreams and passions. She wants to dance like no one is watching. She wants to constantly challenge herself and her lady to be better than the day before.

Introducing Courtney ‘Spiff’ Waite

TGR: Name & Nickname

CW: Courtney Waite Nickname: Spiff


TGR: Relationship Status

CW: Single


TGR: What is the definition of a gentlewoman to you?

CW: A gentlewoman is a woman who is aware of the dominance within her but coincidentally is not diminishing the fact that she is a woman.


TGR: Do you consider yourself a gentlewoman? Why or why not?

CW: I consider myself a gentlewoman. It’s a lot of different women out there but not many are into suits and what society deems at “menswear.”


TGR: How would you describe your personal style?

CW: My personal style is just being comfortable in doing something that you vision in your head. Most of the time I have an idea of an outfit in my mind and If my wardrobe persists with the necessary items to complete this vision, then I make it happen and wear it.


TGR: Have you always been into fashion and style?

CW: I’ve always like style and fashion but was confined to a box that I put myself into. With age I grew aware of interests I did not know were there and I begin to take advantage of those interests.


TGR: Why does your presence/voice matter?

CW: I believe my presence matters because it is genuine and not generic. My voice matter as it is similar to those who wish to say things I say but are afraid.


TGR: Favorite quote

CW: “I don’t care about what people think, because people don’t think” -Kanye West. People only make sense of the things that they like.


TGR: Favorite book of all-time

CW: Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki


TGR: Name 5 of your favorite musical artists.

CW: Maxwell, Musiq Soulchild, Adam Levine, Keith Sweat and Ronald Isley.


TGR: What are important qualities to you in a mate?

CW: Your mate should always be willing to listen. They should encourage you and motivate you when you have new ideas and push you when you become stagnant.

Introducing Charlene Cruse (Yung Crusay)

Q & A with Charlene Cruse aka Yung Crusay

TGR:  Name
YC: Charlene Cruse AKA Yung Crusay

TGR: Relationship Status
YC: Single.

TGR: What are important qualities to you in a mate? 
YC: Honesty, loyalty, vulnerability, spirituality.

TGR: What is the definition of a gentlewoman to you?

YC: A gentlewoman to me is a female who is a bit masculine and knows how to carry herself with dignity & pride about who she is.

TGR:  Do you consider yourself a gentlewoman? Why or why not?
YC: I definitely do, from the way that I carry myself to the way that I dress.

TGR: How would you describe your personal style?
YC: My street style all depends on the season. With the spring coming, I am trying to bring more color into my wardrobe. The colored pants and button up tops (not a polo fan). When the summer comes, I’m a tank and cargos type depending on the setting. On stage, my style is all about supporting local and unknown brands. Usually a sponsor tee.

TGR: Have you always been into fashion and style?
YC: I just recently got into fashion and style when clothing sponsors started picking me up. So many are fascinated by a masculine woman so they love to play dress up. I just started feeding off of them as well as hanging out backstage at runway shows.

TGR: Why does your presence/voice matter?
YC: My voice matters because I try to deliver a message through my music. Throughout my new visuals I want people to see that its okay to be you. You don’t have to pretend. Our generation needs a voice that says “f*ck social media standards, i want to be me!”

TGR:  Favorite quote
YC: “I have set The Lord always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.” Psalm 16:8

TGR: Favorite book of all-time
YC: Do You by Russell Simmons

TGR: Name 5 of your favorite artists.
YC:

Janet Jackson, Prince, Jay-Z, Jhene Aiko, George Clinton & Parliament

Ruby Rose Is Coming to Litchfield Federal Correctional Facility

Orange Is The New Black fans have to wait a few months for the season 3. June 12th is the day we can binge watch our favorite show. You can check out a new cast member, Ruby Rose in a new video promoting the new season.

Who is Ruby Rose? Ruby Rose is an Australian model, DJ and actress. In 2002 Rose gained notoriety when she was runner-up in the Australian teen magazine Girlfriend model search. She went on to become a MTV VJ in Australia. But it’s this role of playing new inmate Stella Carlin on Orange Is The New Black season 3 that will get her noticed. We cannot wait until we can check her out.

Ruby Rose3