Tag Archives: LGBTQ

Defining a Gentlewoman

A lot of you started to ask me what’s the difference between a stud, boi and a gentlewoman. A gentlewoman is a woman that has discriminating taste in women, fashion, culture and politics. There are dapper studs and bois, but that don’t make them gentlewomen. It’s about how you treat others. It’s opening up a door for your lady. It’s giving up your seat on the subway for the elderly or a pregnant woman.

Ladies, you want to know if you have a boi or a gentlewoman. Here are a few rules a gentlewoman will follow:

  1. A gentlewoman doesn’t want a relationship with gender roles. We both work. We both clean. We both spoil each other.
  2. She wants you to make decisions. Don’t be wishy-washy. If you want to hang out with her, you can call her, too. She doesn’t alway want to make the first move.
  3. She’s a womanist. She doesn’t hate men. She believe in equality in work pay. She believes the woman not the government should control her body (and what she does with it).
  4. A ‘boi’ make her girl jealous of other women. A gentlewoman makes other women jealous of her woman.
  5. Any woman can sex you, feed you and buy you stuff. But it takes a gentlewoman to help you become a better person to build with you and work with you in building a better life together.
  6. Sending a woman a text that says “Good morning, beautiful” can change her attitude for the rest of the day.
  7. She doesn’t have time to play with you. A gentlewoman never leads her on if you knows nothing’s going to happen. She’s honest and straightforward.
  8. Don’t tell her lies just to spare her feelings. She’d rather know the truth now rather than finding out later.
  9. She expects you to actively listen to her as she will do the same for you.
  10. When on the date with you, she’ll have her phone on silent. No social media. No text messages. No phone calls unless it’s an emergency. (I struggle with this one! I have to be present with my lady especially during our quality time.)
  11. She’ll call you out the blue just to hear your voice. She’ll respond to your text in a timely manner.
  12. She’s spontaneous. Just be ready for adventure.
  13. A gentlewoman doesn’t make a promise if they’re going to break it.
  14. She believes in chivalry. Chivalry is a beautiful, genuine thing. It will never die.
  15. A real gentlewoman’s treatment of her girl never fades. She doesn’t treat her right for a few months and then stops. A true gentlewoman keeps her smiling.
  16. A gentlewoman knows to keep things good and bad between each other. She does not want everybody in your business.

Everyone is not a gentlewoman. Gentlewomen are not perfect, but we are trying to be the best version of ourselves. Do you agree with my definition of a gentlewoman? If not, how would you define a gentlewoman?

10 Rules for a Gentlewoman in Being in a Healthy Relationship


“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” –Sonya Friedman

Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. True love comes from within. You will never be satisfied with someone else’s love. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to love you. The way you treat myself shows others how you expect to be treated. Therefore, self-love is first and foremost.


“The wrong person makes you beg for attention, affection, love and commitment. The right person gives you these things because they love you.” –Sonya Parker

A gentlewoman never stops trying to show her woman how much she means to her even after she already has her. Affection is not just kissing and touching. Affection is having great stimulating conversations about love, life, anything and everything. Affection is not bound by any obligations or barred by any human limitations. It is to speak without regret or fear or consequence. Affection is about giving the time to show the other person how much they matter to you.


“I don’t want the perfect relationship because perfect is impossible. I want trustworthy, honest, loyal and love. I love imperfections. I don’t want perfect. I want worth it.”-Unknown

In a relationship, honesty and trust must exist. If they don’t, there’s no point of loving. So if you can’t afford to be honest, stay single. We often are not honest because we do not want someone to see our imperfections. Guess what? No one’s perfect. But you can be honest. A gentlewoman is honest and trustworthy in her thoughts, words and action. We tell the truth and keep our promises.


“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” –Leo Buscaglia

A gentlewoman writes handwritten letters to her lady and sends them in the mail. She buys flowers for her lady just because she’s thinking of her. She cooks for her lady after her lady has had a long day at work. A gentlewoman knows never to stop the little things for her lady, for those little things make her feel wanted. Basically, a gentlewoman knows she has to consistently do the things that got her lady to keep her.


“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams or your dignity.” –Mandy Hale

A gentlewoman knows that she has to have passions and friendships outside of her girlfriend. Anyone has to be in control of their own happiness. You have to nurture your circle of friends outside of your relationship. You cannot drop your friends just because you’re in a relationship. Being happy with yourself builds confidence. You can enjoy your time with your partner, enjoy your time with your friends and enjoy your time alone. It’s about living interdependently. Another key to being in a healthy relationship is get a life that is yours.


“No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.” –Unknown

A gentlewoman understands that all relationships have its ups and downs. The difference between a successful relationship and a break-up is that the couple decides that each other is worth the fight. The concept of constant bliss is something made up in Hollywood. It’s not real. What’s real is dealing with bad days, being mentally and physically tired, financial stress and draining emotions. It’s called being human.


“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” –Richard Bach

A gentlewoman understands that she needs a woman who she can be her authentically herself with. It’s learning how to be vulnerable to allow someone to see the real ‘you’.


“When you truly love someone, you don’t judge them by their past. You accept it and leave it there.” -Unknown

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. You might think you love someone until they go outside your box. A gentlewoman understands that love means accepting your lady’s faults and insecurities and loving them anyway and making it through life’s challenges together.

*Disclaimer: This does not mean you stay in an abusive relationship (mental or physical). This means you accept them for their flaws as they are not perfect. So don’t place anyone on a pedestal that they can come crashing down.


no cell phones at dinner

A gentlewoman leaves her cell phone in the car when she takes her lady to dinner. She does not want anything to divert her attention from her lady. She understands that each time she is with her lady is a time to connect and be present.


“Why should a relationship mean settling down? Wait out for someone who won’t let life escape you, who’ll challenge you and drive you toward your dreams. Someone spontaneous you can get lost in the world with. A relationship, with the right person, is a release not a restriction.” –Beau Taplin

A gentlewoman does not want to settle into a mundane home life with her lady. She wants to travel with her lady around the world. She wants her lady to fulfill her dreams with and without her. She wants to fulfill her own dreams and passions. She wants to dance like no one is watching. She wants to constantly challenge herself and her lady to be better than the day before.

The Lesbian Socialite’s Dinah Contest

The Lesbian Socialite Contest

Are you going to Dinah Shore weekend? You wish you could get in the special events for free ninety-nine? Well, The Lesbian Socialite is looking for you to join #TeamSocialite at The Dinah!

These are the two things you have to do. First, you have to want to attend the World Famous Dinah Shore Weekend. And then you have to join #TeamSocialite and tell everyone about it. If you’re interested, let me tell you how to enter.

Stalk The Lesbian Socialite on social media. The more engaged you are, the easier it will be to see you. Basically, you have to stand out from the crowd.

Check The Lesbian Socialite on Twitter (@TheLesSocialite), Facebook (The Lesbian Socialite page), Instagram (@TheLesbianSocialite) and tumblr (@thereallesbiansocialite) are all places you can interact with The Lesbian Socialite. Then you should:

  1. Tell them why you want to join #TeamSocialite. The Lesbian Socialite parties with a purpose over here. It’s not simply about looking good and being fabulous (even though we do that). It’s about doing something good and being supportive to our community. Tell them what their motto socially active through social activity means to you.
  2. Tell them your Dinah dream. Why do you want to go The Dinah?

It’s pretty simple, huh? Get creative. Post your story on their FB page use the hashtag #TSDinah2016 if you post it on any other social media. Stay engaged. Invite your friends to make your case. Post as often as you like. They are a social bunch so they love to be engaged in a conversation.

The rules: NO NUDITY! They are somewhat dignified (at least in the public eye). Stalk The Lesbian Socialite a little. Again, figure out how to stand out. They love anything about people doing good things for the community as well as champagne, schoolate, food in general, travel, fashion and parties with a purpose.

Two (2) winners will receive the following:

The Golden Ticket: You (plus one) will get weekend passes to attend the World Famous Dinah Shore Weekend.

In addition to the passes, you will received $50 credit with OUT is in USA. You will be feature on The Lesbian Socialite website with your story about your first Dinah Shore weekend as well social media shout-outs over the weekend. Basically, you’ll be a ‘celesbian’ for the weekend. And you will get a passes to The Lesbian Socialite exclusive event at their Dinah Club House.

PLEASE NOTE: This DOES NOT include travel and/or accommodations. That is still YOUR responsibility.





A Gentlewoman’s Guide to Affordable Yet Stylish Clothing

When talking about fashion and style, many seem to think you have to spend their whole paycheck. Not at all. As Stacy London, fashion consultant warns: “Never confuse fashion and style. Fashion relies on unattainable looks on women with unrealistic bodies. Style is about utilizing the best aspects of you.” Style is about finding what looks best of you and showing it to the world. Style is not what you can’t wear. It’s about what you can wear with swag.

Here at The Gentlewoman Redefined we want you to look YOUR best not like the Instagram pages of shedoeshim, adapperchick or sheagent. We want you to find what works for you and rock it for the world to see. It’s about what suits you (pun intended).

We all want to look good. You’ve lost a little weight, and your clothes don’t fit anymore? You’ve want a more mature look? You want to change your style a little? But you don’t want to break the bank? This is for you.

Let’s venture away from your old faithfuls of Old Navy, Gap, Banana Republic, Abercrombie & Fitch, and check out these online retailers. Those old faithfuls are cool to get a piece here or there, but you don’t want to look like a clone. It’s time to step it up when you’re stepping out and transform from a boi to a gentlwoman.

Here are a few online retailers we’ve found online that offer affordable yet stylish fashion: 6PM, Bluefly, Century 21, DSW, Gilt, H&M, Jack Threads and Uniqlo.


At 6PM, a subsidiary of Zappos, you can find all of your favorite brands in one place for 20-65%. Go on a daily guilt-free shopping spree as your indulge in the brands you love. You can find 7 For All Mankind and Seven7 jeans, Cole Haan and Versace shoes, Robert Graham and Just Cavalli button down shirts and Nike activewear for the low.


If you want to upgrade to gentlewoman status, check out Bluefly for deals in suits. Bluffly carries over 350 brands at discounts of 20 – 75%. If you’re looking for quality without killing your pockets, check out this website.

century 21

Century 21 is a department store that features designer merchandise what 40-65% off retail every day.


Designer Shoe Warehouse is the place to go for great brands at a great value every day. With thousands of shoes for men in over 400 stores nationwide, DSW is about the thrill of finding the perfect shoe at the perfect price. To top it all off, DSW Rewards means shopping comes with perks-members ear points toward $10 Rewards certificates every time they shop.


Gilt Groupe is a members-only site for sales. New sales last 36 to 48 hours and feature merchandise from a single brand or small groups of brands. Savings are up to 60% off the suggested retail price. Quantities are very limited, but you can preview items prior to sales launch.


H&M actually has a design team that creates sustainable fashion for all, always at the best price. H&M is modern, timeless, tactile and functional. Exploring the concept of style over fashion, you can find fashion pieces for the contemporary wardrobe. High-end design and quality are brought to everyone.

JackThreadsLogoAt Jack Threads they believe that looking great and feeling better shouldn’t be a chore and that a good-looking suit for your 9 to 5 shouldn’t force you to get a second job from 5 to 9. Everyday they feature a broad range of products that they can stand behind.


Uniqlo is Japan’s leading clothing retailer of casual wear. Its clothing designs become hot trends, for its team continuously monitors the latest fashion trends and styles.

But like everything, it’s how you wear it not what you wear that makes these clothes stylish.

If you know of any online retailers that can help your style and pocketbook, let us know. We want to hear from you.

What I’ve Learned about Relationships

Lately, I’ve been seeing these memes about relationship goals. Maybe it’s me, but I thought relationship goals shouldn’t be the obvious. Maybe society is too jaded that we haven’t figured out that what’s best for us individually is not what’s always promoted. Maybe I am old school. I don’t know, but I’ve seen long-term relationships work. I believe in cultivating a relationship.

Lately, I’ve talked to a few friends about what we all want in relationships. We’ve talked about the nitty gritty of relationships which require hard work, patience and trust. We’ve talked about how our past relationships and experiences sometimes affect our present and future if we allow it. But what I’ve learned there are no easy ways to maintaining and growing as individuals and as a couple. Relationships Are

I am fortunate to see my maternal grandparents happily married for 46 years until my grandfather died in ’90. I have an aunt & uncle close to that mark with celebrating 45 years of marriage this past August. Another aunt & uncle will be celebrating 39 years of marriage in November. And the youngest aunt on my maternal side has been married to her husband over 25 years, and I remember when they were just dating. So I have great examples of what long-term relationships can be.

In my 39 years on this earth I’ve realized that nothing is perfect. And nothing worth having is easy. This includes a loving, sustainable relationship. Two years ago I met an incredible woman who is perfect for me. That doesn’t mean we don’t argue or we don’t have our problems. We do, but every day we wake up, we choose each other. We choose this life together. For love is a choice. It’s not something that just happen to you. It’s something that the both of you decide to cultivate.

I’ve come up with a list to help you (the ones who say they want a good relationship) to not only maintain but grow a loving relationship:

  1. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. You have to take time out for yourself. You’re an individual first. Before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself. That person you want this relationship with should a person you can be your true self:. It doesn’t matter if you’re goofy, silly, honest, passionate, emotional, educated and/or lovable. Whomever you are that person will love your authentic self.
  2. Communication is key. Be honest and clear. You have to talk about everything not just the good but the bad, uncomfortable and down-right ugly. This is the best way to build trust and know if you can deal with each other. You also have to communicate to determine if you are compatible. Do you both want to get married? Do you both want kids? Do you both want to live in the city or in the suburbs? Are you both financially stable? You have to be honest with yourself if you can deal with a ‘no’.
  3. No one likes a bag lady. It’s time to leave your past in the past including your ex’s (girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, booty buddies, etc) and the baggage that goes with it. You should definitely learn from your past, but don’t keep bringing up your ex in conversation. If you want a relationship to grow, you have to include her (your current) in your future.
  4. You cannot have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight. Please know that the honeymoon period fades. Yes, your partner will get on your nerves. (I’ve told my girlfriend that I always love her, but I don’t always like her. She responded with “That works both ways” with an devilish grin.) Let me tell you a little secret: love is not always “happily ever after”.
  5. You can never stop trying to show her how much she means to you even after you have her. My grandfather told me once, “It’s easy to get her. The real work starts when you have her.” You cannot forget to continue to date your lady. When’s the last time you took out pen and paper and wrote her a letter of how you feel about her? When’s the last time you surprised her with a home-cooked dinner? When the last time you wrote her a poem? ‘Roses are red/Violets are blue’ will still get a smile. Don’t get comfortable if she’s worth it.
  6. You have to love that person for who they are not the potential. You cannot fall in love with potential. Live in reality. You have to accept them just the way they are.
  7. Relationships last longer when everybody doesn’t know your business. I am not saying that you should hide your relationship, but intimate details, good or bad shouldn’t be on social media or shared with your friends. The only folks who should be in your relationship are you and your partner.
  8. There are no right or wrong way for a relationship. It’s what work for the two of you. Your relationship have to fit the needs of you and your partner not society, family or social media.

Again, love is choosing that special someone everyday as is. Choose wisely. Everyone deserves love, but are you willing to ask for what you want and then work for it when you have it?