Tag Archives: life

Approaching 40 Without Fear

Years ago I decided that I didn’t want a mundane life of a 9 to 5. For years that’s how I lived. I’d worked for Hidden Beach Recordings at the rise of Jill Scott. I’d traveled to SXSW with Cornerstone Promotions. Exciting times. I was in the midst of it. I had great ideas, but I didn’t know how to be loud.

Maybe my presence was loud enough. I was a masculine of center woman. I always thought my masculine presence was always judged. I didn’t want to extra attention for my appearance. I wanted my creativity and work to shine through. Therefore, I dimmed my light.

By dimming my light I denied myself the life I deserved and dreamed of living. Time doesn’t want wait on anyone. I remembered waking up realizing that I was 35 and hadn’t accomplished anything.

Don’t get me wrong I traveled. I shopped. I loved. There was a semblance of freedom where I moved how I want without boundaries and barriers. I could pick and leave as I did to DC and then to New York. I loved that freedom, but I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t living that life I wanted. And then I moved back home again believing I failed again.

I looked around, and my friends were leaving me behind. I realized that I didn’t own my dream house. I wasn’t in a relationship. And maybe it was time to settle down. Maybe it was time to get that 9 to 5 that I desperately didn’t want. Just maybe.

being fearlessI looked around me and realized that I didn’t own my house. I wasn’t in a relationship. Maybe it was time to get settled. Maybe it was time to get that 9 to 5 that I desperately didn’t want. Just maybe.

Or maybe NOT. Maybe I hadn’t believed in myself this whole time. I did enough to get by, but my soul knew that wasn’t enough. I could have it all. I could be creative, make money, have a relationship and that house I dreamed of. If only, I could get out of my own way.

In August I will be 40. Yes, the big 4-0. I am finally figuring out that I was scared. I was scared that I wasn’t enough. I had to heal the past wounds of body-shaming, not being the typical beauty, or bullying. I never dealt with how they affected me. I have to let go of the negative thoughts in my head that say:

“I will always be fat.”

“I am crazy to think I can revolutionize the world.”

“I am not praise-worthy.”

I have to combat that with affirmations of how awesome I am. I have to speak up to be heard. I cannot allow this fear to stagnate me. I am not living the life I’m supposed to live. I’ve simply existing.  It is time to live in my truth. It’s time to be fearless.

2016 has to be the year I shed my fear. It’s the year that I create and make money. It’s time to travel the world. It’s like 50 said, it’s time to ‘get rich or die tryin’. My riches are loving myself and believing in my path called life. My path is not like anyone else. And as J. Cole said we have to ‘Love Yourz’ as I am learning to love mine.

It’s time to take off these layers of fat and uncertainty. It’s time to do Insanity again. It’s time to get fit to be healthy because I have shit to do. It’s time to acknowledge the past to heal.

In the year of my 40, it’s time to dance like no one’s watching. It’s time to make my dreams come true. It’s time to be free. It’s time to be me. No more words. Just watch.

Why SIYA’s New Mixtape ‘What Never Happened’ is DOPE!

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I’ve continuously listened to this mixtape for about 3 days straight. All I can say is that it is dope. From her life as a dealer to her creating her own lane in the music industry SIYA takes you a rollercoaster ride of  life, love, lost, and dopeness while being true to who she is.

SIYA joined the world renowned DJ Skee to deliver the dope mixtape, What Never Happened. You are a dope if you don’t listen to this mixtape, her follow-up to “Better Late Than Never”. Every mixtape SIYA releases is a glimpse in the life of Michele Sherman (her government name). This one is no different.

In “1997” she reminisces about growing up making references to the rappers who were popular in that year like Biggie, Jay Z and Big Pun as she raps about her experiences as a dope dealer. She doesn’t glorify her life as a dope dealer, but she introspectively verses about her former life as what she knew. In “Judge Me” SIYA flows about her haters, how they don’t know her to judge her and gives you a glimpse of her struggles as an independent artist in the public eye.

But it’s her lyrical prowess laced with straightforward honest that separates SIYA from other rappers. Like MC Lyte in her highlight SIYA cannot be compared to any female mainstream rapper. Not Nicki Minaj. Not Dej Loaf. Not Iggy Azalea. SIYA is creating her own lane in this music industry. In “Industry Interlude” SIYA talks about industry rule #4080 of ‘the record company people are shady!” A sample of DMX’s discontent with the music industry plays as she flows about the hypocrisy of the music industry and how she’s circumventing the conventional way of making money by ghostwriting for other rappers and doing shows for her fans.

Yes, SIYA’s openly lesbian, but as she raps about the ups and downs of her relationships, anyone can connect with the lyrics. For her experiences are universal. In “You Know That” SIYA raps about a complicated love where she messed up and want her back. But in “Know Better” she talks about giving her all to a girl who doesn’t deserve it. In “La’Golden” she speaks about loving that special woman. We’ve all been there no matter what our sexual orientation is.

The bottomline is SIYA continues to make her lane by putting out real dope music. Even though she can be introspective and sensitive, she still shows her street side in songs, “Come Get Your Bitch” and “Real Nigga Business”. Thus, giving this mixtape a balance between mainstream and hardcore rap which is rare in today’s hip-hop music.

SIYA is definitely on a mission to be heard and be recognized beyond Sisterhood of Hip-Hop reality season. The unconventional tutelage of R&B singer-songwriter, Tank, doped SIYA up to take on the music industry. Tank has helped SIYA to navigate the music industry while being authentic to herself.

Unlike the previous mixtape Better Late Than Never which featured big stars like Chris Brown and Problem, SIYA (and her talent) is at the center of attention. You should check out this mixtape below to hear SIYA’s progression as an artist and a human being.